What do you think of when you hear the word wisdom? My mind goes right to learning from someone who has been there, someone with experience I lack. I recall how my elders tried to share their wisdom with me. I cringe when I remember that I wasn't always receptive. My arrogance led me to miss out on so many opportunities to learn! They are gone now, and I blew my chance to gain their wisdom.
I'll share a question below from someone smart enough to seek this kind of wisdom. Questions like this are common from teenage atheists living with conservative Christian parents. If you spend any time on the atheist-oriented sections of Reddit, you will have seen them. They are much less common from young adults already living on their own, and that's why this one got my attention. The person asking the question identified themself as being in their early 20s. Here's my paraphrase of their question:
I'm an atheist living in an area dominated by conservative Christianity. I'd like to escape, but it will be some time before I'm able to do so. I'm hoping to learn from the older atheists among you who live or have lived in such places. How have you managed? What has helped you to endure it?
There were several responses. Most ignored the second half of the second sentence. "Move," they said, "Get out of there as soon as you can!" This might not be bad advice. When I moved away from the small town where I grew up, many things got better almost overnight. And when I moved to where I now live, many things got worse almost overnight. Location does matter, as atheists are not reviled to the same degree everywhere. But moving isn't always an option. And the second half of the second sentence told me that it isn't here.
Aside from telling the questioner to move at once, what wisdom would you offer? If you've lived in a place where it isn't okay to be an atheist, how have you handled it? What have you found that has made life tolerable there?
I've been living in such a place for some time. I can't pretend I always handle it well. I don't. I also can't pretend that that life always seems tolerable, though it does most of the time. I have found a few things that have helped.
Support from others can help a great deal. It won't be easy to find other atheists in such a place, but there is some good news on this front. The supportive others do not have to be atheists. Some Christians recognize the value of church-state separation. Some have values that align with humanism quite well. Some have little interest in proselytizing. They can be valuable allies, and that's one thing that has helped.
You could try to start a local atheist group, but that won't be for everyone. Depending on where you are, I'd prepare for some proselytizing Christians to show up. They'll see what you are doing as a threat to their privilege and may try to disrupt it. That's not much fun. And then there's the reality that this will change how others view you. It is one thing to not be religious. Being an atheist is much worse than that, but even that pales in comparison to being open about one's atheism. I'm sure you already know if this is something you could see yourself doing. It is okay if it isn't.
The internet can be a decent substitute for not having local atheists. Connect with other atheists living in similar areas has helped. Some have shared ideas for things that never occurred to me. And most have normalized my day-to-day experience.
One of the things that helped me a lot for several years was writing a blog. It never mattered that few read it. I rarely viewed it as a platform of any kind, and I wasn't interested in chasing influence. Writing gave me an opportunity to sort some things out that I wasn't sure how else to sort out. As an added benefit, it helped me connect with some other atheists who were writing. I often found inspiration from them.
This one is harder to describe. One of the things that has helped me has been looking for opportunities to help others. I've always enjoyed being helpful to others. It gives me a sense of purpose like little else does. Advocating for others who need it has helped. Because of where I live and work, this has often meant working to be a good ally for LGBTQIA+ people. But it has been broader than that because many people are struggling these days.
And while this one seems obvious, it continues to be my biggest challenge. I have to do better with my own self-care. I need to remember to take care of myself, and I need to be better at following the sort of advice I'd give to others. Waiting until I feel especially low or overwhelmed makes everything worse. I need to take more of a preventive mindset. What am I doing for myself every day. It may not be much, but I should be able to identify something.
Living as an atheist in a place where everyone else is religious can be difficult. It will be much worse when the religious majority decides atheists are evil or less than human. We can't pretend otherwise. And that's why it is important to take care of each other and ourselves.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
